January 2, 2012
I don't even know what to say about Elizabeth. After her blessing on Friday night she was ready to give up cigs and we were going to meet with her Saturday and have dinner so she didnt have to have a stupid party night for New Years Eve. She ended up hanging out with her sister. She smoked more than the 4 she said she would and then didn't show up to church like she said she was going to on Sunday. We went over to her house last night which was Sunday night to see what was going on. She said that she couldn't count how many cigs she had that day and then i saw that she had an empty vodka bottle. The one time she straight up lied to us. ugh!!!! But she doesnt have anyone and so much crap happened to her in her life and it just makes me way sad. She was totally drunk. You couldnt smell it but she said to us "well, maybe I like being unhappy because I am used to it." Then she said she wanted all that the gospel has to offer. She doesn't know what she wants in a state like that, but it really just made me sad how she talked about being alone. I know she was drunk but this woman suffers from extreme problems and depression being one of the many products of that, but as she talked about being alone, tears just streamed down my face. She knows the Lord loves her and is there for her and all this stuff, but she really just broke my heart when she talked about wanting to erase the sins she has gone through but always being alone. It's really hard trying to explain loneliness cuz we can't always SEE the Lord in His body, but when we choose to see His love and how we are truly not alone we can physically see the blessings in our life and the opportunities we have to change, which in turn brings happiness.
I love Matthew 3:8 and it talks about the fruits of repentance. A fruit is a product of labors, which with this scripture we can physically see repentant people.