Sunday, June 17, 2012

Journal Entry from 04/22/12 - Dan and Susan*

April 22, 2012
Today, after we went to Tornado we went to Dan and Susan's with Julie. We played some dominoes. Anyway, they are very set in their church but they have become so close to me and the last time we were at their home I strongly desired that they would just read the book of mormon. just read it. and it has been weighing on my heart for quite sometime. I decided to write them a letter. i still hadnt given it to them and then a night or two ago i had a dream. and i dont dream about the mission very often but i have had 2-3 dreams about these 2. my dream was that i told them i need them to read this book. and Susan was crying and Dan was sittin there like a bump on a log. i know Susan had felt something before! i saw it! i knew she had. so When we decided to leave i read something about the atonement in alma 40something. then I decided to tell them why i came on a mission and my dream. and that i needed to tell them because if i am right and i didnt share it...i didnt wanna be guilty of that, and have them ask. why didnt you tell us? Then as i shared and gave them my letter Susan just said we just Cant believe like you all do. and we were totally rejected. they said how they would never try to convince us otherwise and how they were raised to not even associate with mormons and they are rooted in their traditions and all this bologna they have nothing to lose but only to gain1! So, then it was time to go. but as they sat there and rejected this i felt like someone was holding me, so i wouldnt fall apart in there. I knew i wasnt alone. It just killed me and it hurts so bad because i love them so much. it's kinda like those family members, we dont wanna push the gospel on them becuase of the hurt we will experience (and when youre family you are more blunt with each other) and we dont wanna experience that hurt! but what if we dont try? so what if they reject it? i would rather feel the hurt now then after this life them asking me Why didnt you atleast try, didnt you love me? I know that when we are rejected we are carried, and the atonement carries us. Sure this is killing me because i love that couple. it kills me everytime someone rejects the gospel! there is so much more! but we walked outta their home and i didnt know what to think, my heart ached like crazy. Julie told me that she knows what i did was right, she didnt even know them and her heart hurt so bad and she said she could feel the spirit so strong that it was like she was searching and heard the gospel for the first time. and it is just like it hurts and you can actually feel it in your chest, the pain. I know this gospel is true, and i know someone was there holding me together in that moment, because i can sure be an emotional freak sometimes and that was a hard thing to experience. i love them so much and we will always be friends...but they got nothing to lose just by reading it....why wont they?

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